Insomnia

It is 3am & I can't sleep. I believe it is due to the meds I am weaning myself off of for my back pain. So here I am writing on my blog....

Listening to the Nermal (our new kitten) crunch cat food. He is an eating machine & never stops. Everything is so quite at this hour it is as if everything stops. No cars driving by, no honking horns, even your home seems to sleep with you. Things that would normally be running like the TV, frig, lights...only the ticking of a clock I can hear to remind me that life is still moving forward.

As a child I would sleep walk my way downstairs. Sometimes I would wake, sometimes not. Scaring family members that there was something wrong with me, why is she doing this? I was thinking trying to find a way out of this life even in the dreaming state. But if I woke while sleep walking & simply sat on the couch or go into my grand mother's room, it was this same stillness. It follows you where ever you go in life, not held by walls within a particular house, or a location, it is just that secret silence that is there when you need it in the middle of the night.

I use to get up a lot in the middle of the night like this but over the years I am sleeping better. This is in part to a lot of things. A lot of good changes in my life so I can get a good nights sleep. But I miss the quite peaceful solitude of feeling like I am the only one awake at 3am. I feel most alive at this time. I can't explain it. But as as I have grown older & watch the hours of a day pass away from early morning to late evening there is nothing quite like the hours between midnight & 5am. Ideas, poems, titles for books I may never write or take a shot at run through my mind. My brain turns on to things I find that are alive & circling in there. During the waking hours theses same thought are there but are pushed back by the logic & priorities of the day.

Maybe since I love this time & miss it I should sacrifice my sleep & make it a habit to get up & spend an hour with my thoughts at night. Something good may come of it...